Help! Sasquatch urinated on my SG!

Goldmember

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Mates, I've heard of cats and dogs doing this evil deed, but what I experienced last night was very disturbing and beyond comprehension. I left the back door unlocked while I went to take a break from practicing in the breakfast room. '60s Tribute through my Vox AC4. Two minutes later, I return to find none other than Sasquatch himself, taking a p*** on my SG! WTF? Rather than overpowering me with his superior strength, he ran like a sissy out the door. Now, I have major issues with my axe. The electronics are shot. The lacquer is peeling. Worst of all, the stench is beyond belief. What do I do?
 

Biddlin

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Lots of baking soda all over the axe, until dry. Wipe down with tomato juice. dry. Repeat until smell is gone. Assess damage. Buy sand paper and Minwax stain.
;>)/
 
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alexander paul

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there is worse than pee,

acornloo.gif
 

Bettyboo

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I thought Gold lived in Amsterdam, and this thread was outlining the rather large and strong ladies bred in that nation along with their sexual behaviour (as picked up upon by Milesdeem).
 

Goldmember

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Thank you, everyone. The recovery process has begun, though I'm still traumatized. I chose to use Bidlin's bath potion of baking soda and V8 "Hot & Spicy" juice. It tastes even better once it's drained from the Burstbuster pickups: no potting, so there's more room for juice!

eS.G. is right: I've had my share of run-ins with the Chupacabra, but the "Chup" don't like being indoors, so my guitars have been safe. Last year, Sasquatch was sighted near the 1604 and 151 intersection here in SA: he's here to stay. By the way, iblive, I've heard that same rumor, and it's true!

Bettyboo, you are right, but I only reside half the year in Amsterdam, living in a very large camper pulled by a tiny Fiat. Shexshy shwingers clubs, roller discos, shmokes, and pancakes! ;)
 

Biddlin

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This one definitely gets a whole new page in my tech's journal.
;>)/
 

smitty_p

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Did you beat trees with sticks and howl into the woods prior to the 'squatch attack? Supposedly, that attracts them and draws them in.
 

smitty_p

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[QUOTE deMelo, pl378130, member: 3299"]uh... Did you really lose your willie while melting gold?

Anyway, here's what I'd do: I'd leave the SG on sight, and wait for him to come pee on it again. Then I'd shoot it dead, and make two of these:

[/QUOTE]

Believe it or not, some states in the US have preemptively made it a felony to kill a bigfoot, in case it does exist.
 

Goldmember

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uh... Did you really lose your willie while melting gold?

Yesh. You shee, deMelo, I love gold: the look of it, the shmell of it, the taste of it, the texture...

smitty, I did neither of those things to attract the Squatch. In fact, I learned a long time ago to follow these Sasquatch rules* at all times, any of which will almost certainly attract a Bigfoot:
  • Don't play the clarinet.
  • Never wave your flashlight back and forth really fast.
  • Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge.
  • Don't ever eat cubed cheese.
  • Never wear a sombrero in a goofy fashion!
  • Don't wear clown shoes.
  • Never run, and never limp. They hate limping more than running!
  • Never wear a hoop skirt.
  • Never screech like a chimpanzee!
*Spongebob says that this works for Sea Bears, too.
 
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Rowdymoon

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uh... Did you really lose your willie while melting gold?

Anyway, here's what I'd do: I'd leave the SG on sight, and wait for him to come pee on it again. Then I'd shoot it dead, and make two of these:

tumblr_m4xflwApoP1qzfsnio1_1280.jpg

Let me guess....a Toe Jam Session.!!....well someone had to say it.
 

shreddy bender

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Yesh. You shee, deMelo, I love gold: the look of it, the shmell of it, the taste of it, the texture...

smitty, I did neither of those things to attract the Squatch. In fact, I learned a long time ago to follow these Sasquatch rules* at all times, any of which will almost certainly attract a Bigfoot:
  • Don't play the clarinet.
  • Never wave your flashlight back and forth really fast.
  • Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge.
  • Don't ever eat cubed cheese.
  • Never wear a sombrero in a goofy fashion!
  • Don't wear clown shoes.
  • Never run, and never limp. They hate limping more than running!
  • Never wear a hoop skirt.
  • Never screech like a chimpanzee!
*Spongebob says that this works for Sea Bears, too.

Also beware of the sea rhinoceros!
 

deMelo

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Anyway sasquatch can be a very unpleasant visit. Sometimes they leave some big and smelly things behind...

sasquatch-scat-CO-2.jpg


Anyway, sometimes they even dare to come into your kitchen and drink all your coffee. That's something evil. I'd shoot it at sight.

Sasquacth+has+coffee.png
 


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